Step Up Revolution
January 27, 2023Step Up Revolution. Where do I even start? I didn't even want to start this movie without copious amounts of drugs in my system that I unfortunately just did not have. The main characters are straight up unlikeable which is par for the course for the series. Unlike previous entries, however, I don’t have a side character to pin all my hopes and dreams on. Everyone in this movie sucks.
The plot is whatever but that’s not why we’re here. We’re here to dance. And the first performance is our heroes being assholes in traffic and jumping on cars. (You know you're no longer the target demographic when...) I had more fun thinking about Dom and Letty from Fast and Furious driving the muscle cars in the back. Only my imagination was going to get me through this movie. And alcohol.
Alright let’s talk about the stuff I liked before this turns ugly. The art show dance was actually dope. It added to the exhibit without being annoying like the first flash mob. I enjoyed it thoroughly. There were some camera angles in this part that made it feel like I was watching a better movie.
Ok well now that part is over. Back to drinking my poorly made whiskey sour until robot-man Vlad comes back to bless us with his moves before the entity takes him back to its realm.
And there he goes. I miss him already.
Now for the rant. In another universe, this is the last movie that released in theaters in 2012 before the world ended like it should’ve.
And I can’t think of a worse way to start off the end of the world.
I won’t even talk about the plot. There’s only so many scenarios that can be solved by dancing and 9 times out of 10 its a tournament with a big cash prize that our protagonists need for whatever reason. That’s not the bad thing though… I’m here to see people dance better than I ever could! This movie does not deliver on that. Sure, there are some cool moves that made me ooh and aah but the quality of the dance choreography has noticeably plummeted. Especially after watching Step Up 3D the day before which was excellent in that respect. There were just so many cuts throughout the routines and unnecessary effects added in post that it is no longer impressive. For the love of dance just give me a wide angle so I can enjoy the show.
Like I said before, there are some cool tricks in this movie. But almost none of them are performed by our lead couple (that I am actively rooting against). This girl, Natalie Amy Emily, is just too horny. When her boss with the Jon & Kate Plus 8 hairstyle called her unoriginal and uninspired I cheered. Then I recoiled in horror as the other lead, Derek Kyle Sean, told her to incorporate her club moves into a professional routine. Here are some notes I took live as I watched those moves.
I actually took a lot of "notes" during this movie - more than I usually do because actually looking at the screen during the “plot” was causing my hand to twitch towards the fast forward button. I quelled this urge by putting a pencil in my hand instead and bitching to my sister.
I hated this movie. 2/10.